Through this journey with Seeley I have been thinking a lot about time lately. Especially since I am rolling into my 40s soon. The saying that times go fast as you get older is an understatement. I feel like as a society we don’t think of the moment a lot. It is always lets get to the weekend, in the winter months it’s getting to the next month when it’s warmer. We wait for a future period of time not thinking about the current time we are in.
This is never more true for a parent of an autistic child. We live a 24 hour day most of the time. These days are filled with meltdowns, big emotions, laughs, and many rounds of different styles of play. We are waiting to get to the next hour, to the next meal time and hopefully to the first round of trying to get to sleep. I have always felt like the movie groundhog’s day. The same day on repeat and going through the emotions.
A few months back, I began to navigate my own journey to be healthier and to be a better partner and parent. That has made me look at time in a different way.
I was not in a good place for a long time, around 7 years. I was out of shape, not present and really not enjoying life as a whole. I have recently learned to look at things differently and appreciate the time we have. Of course, we don’t know how much time that is.
One thing I love most is putting Seeley to bed. When she falls asleep, she is the most peaceful looking little child, all ready for her mermaid dreams. Even if it only lasts twenty minutes, and she is up again, bedtime requires us to be present. Once she is still, calm and sleeping like an angel baby, I get pretty sad. It’s like the fact hits me, that each time she goes to sleep, we have one less day.
One less day with this special kid, just as she is, right now.
Even though there are a lot of long challenging days I have been really trying to enjoy every moment of every day.
There are not a lot of guarantees in life but one thing is for sure tomorrow is not guaranteed. We are off to enjoy the rest of Sunday- we are adding to barbie, spa services, some dress up, some football and several makeup lessons.
I hope you and your family are learning like I am, to stop, breathe and appreciate the day.